50 THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR THE ZETAPETS STAFF SAY
(Note: This is for humor purposes only - everything on this list is completely false.)
1.
We've decided to give everyone 1,000,000 Zetapoints for the upcoming holiday.
2.
Go ahead - give your password out to anyone!
3.
After hours of heated debated, the Zetapets teams has decided to eliminate different pet species and change everyone's
Zetapets to lab mice. Little mazes with cheese not included.
4.
Insulting people will never get you iced, so don't worry!
5.
Spamming the forums is not only acceptable, but encouraged!
6.
If you ask really nicely, We will give you access to administration passwords! C'mon, gimme a pretty please!
7.
What is Zetapets? (One of those rhetoric ones...)
8.
Praying to the Zetagod is a sure-fire menthod to stop all bad random events from happening.
9.
New plot twist! There's a drought which means there won't be any food or water, and the healing lake is dried up too.
10.
Zetapets pets actually exist in real life! Unfortunately, they are invisible, so you can't see them.
11.
The Zetapets site really needed some money...sooo, we sold all your Art Gallery entries on Ebay! (Fetched a good price,
too...)
12.
(Did you really think those donations went towards the site?)
13.
Sorry, access of your account is denied due to improper registration. All Zetapets users must meet us at
the staff headquarters, located in scenic Islandwaaayofthecoastofsomewhereremote!
14.
Repeated clicking on the yellow toolbar will get you a secret gift!
15.
We're planning on making all pets "starving" in just a few seconds. Oh, and the food shops just went out of business.
Atkins, ya know...
16.
We're closing due to lack of popcorn - don't have enough, therefore must close. Yup.
17.
Remember those pictures of the fake, redrawn Kitsu? Well, we just uploaded them. Take a peek if you own one.
18.
Sorry, the programmers all quit. No new games. Ever. Hope you like Sealed!
19.
After much introspection, we decided it would be a wise marketing strategy to change the site name to Zetapests.
20.
Well...we're bored, so we're quitting the site. Have fun without us!
21.
Actually...all the links work, except we're too lazy to add that one final stroke to the line of code.
22.
We just decided to go the Pokemon route - Zeta Trading Cards! 100 dollars a pack! Gotta get 'em all - in stores now!
23.
At the request of our new Nigerian investors, we are switching the language of our site to Igbo.
24.
We are really alien businessmen coming over to Earth to make the world obsessed with our new product...
25.
We weren't going to tell you guys, but...we decided to sell your personal information to third parties in order to
gain more profits. But, the good news is you will be getting some interesting emails from semi-legit companies soon! Make
sure to open all the attachments they send.
26.
Good news! We are now in cahoots with (add other pet site name here), so you can expect to see the same boring old
features from there.
27.
You know those "magic" points your pet has? What they deal with is magic tricks - yes, only the elite pets will be
able to do the elusive "pull a rah out of the hat" trick. Better start training!
28.
We've decided to do a flashback to the 80s theme, and we've changed the layout interface to be NEON colors! And, if you
get this slight burning sensation in your eyes, just ignore it - it will pass.
29.
Do you know Swahili? No? Neither do we, but we've decided to hire a bunch of translators to change over the whole site.
Swahili is such a great language, isn't it?
30.
Hey! We've made a deal to 5 hackers, so now they'll be taking your accounts! Thank you!
31.
We decided it was time to make some new water distillers. Starting next week, we will be introducing the plaid
distiller!
32.
We are changing all the pets to Dodos. They're not extinct anymore, you know.
33.
We're playing a game called "icing on the top." If your name is chosen, your account will be permanently frozen!
34.
Use the word "highliter" the most in one post without spamming and win a soggy nut!
35.
We've decided that Zetapets needs a special "mascot" to set the site apart from other pet sites. Introducing...
SMARMY! The obnoxiously cheerful violet dinosaur!
36.
Our main theme song is now Avril Lavigne song that says "Things I'll never say..." Get it in midi format for your
user look-up today!
37.
Wow, we saw the greatest idea on the forums! We're changing over to allow humans as pets. The animals shall now have
dominion over the whole of Sentrion! Mwahahahaha!
38.
Spending donation money on fast food is great, no? Mmm...bacon burgers...*burp*
39.
A new policy has been added to the site rules - all your points belong to us now. Kindly form a line in front of the
bank and have a nice day.
40.
Our moderators are here to serve you better! The new motto: We're constantly asleep, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!
41.
We decided to send junk mail to all of the members. If you see about 500 messages coming from us, please open at least
one of them. It may have a virus!
42.
Sure! Go ahead and refer yourself all you want!
43.
Ignore what we wrote in the news before - all those users ARE REALLY 55!
44.
Starting tomorrow, Zetapets will have official colors! We have chosen a soft blend of avacado green, burnt orange, and
hot pink.
45.
New contest: post the longest, most boring spam on the forums and win 1,000,000 Zetapoints! Bonus points to any member
who can use up so much bandwidth that the site crashes.
46.
Clubs are sooo pedestrian...I think we'll delete them all...NOW!
47.
No, I am not a staff member...just another newbie here...
48.
You want some new worlds? Huh, you do? Well, TOO BAD!
49.
ALL HAIL TO (insert your username here)!
50.
And finally..."Hey, fellow Zetapets staff members! Lets make a list of things we would never say to post on the site!"